Excerpts about Men, Sex, Cocktails, Girl Talk, and More

How did I get to this crossroad where I knew I going to be single? For most of us, we know the point where things are getting bad, it’s just a matter of how long we will allow it to fester until we do something about the issue. My ex now and I were going through the motions since the beginning of 2010. It’s like that with new relationships, the first year is great, the second is always the hardest. Either you’re in it to win it or it’s time to let that ship pass. Petty arguments, unappreciativness (I know it’s not a word), and comparisons to the other people were building and it was a matter of time before I knew I was going to snap.

This year happened to be the last semester I was finishing up college so you can just imagine all the work I was doing. I thought “he” or let’s just call him Nathan would be understanding. No. Instead I was made to feel guilty about my aspirations and I was trying to do everything to get my relationship off of life support. Then there was that faithful day on April 3rd when the sh*t hit the fan. Nathan had been drinking and became belligerent with me. He grabbed my arm and gave me this look like Ike gave Tina the first time he laid his hands on her and I knew in my heart that I had to get my a** out of this situation. Only thing was, I didn’t know how. Insiders looking in would say it’s easy to walk away but when you’re actually in it, you don’t know what to do. I was confused because I’ve talked a great game years before how this situation would never be me yet I was living it. Thank the Lord he didn’t slap me or anything because I think I would’ve stabbed him. The final month after the incident I knew that we were not going to last.

   The weeks that followed were the worst. I was trying to balance school, work and a needy boyfriend but it seemed never enough. When we were out with friends you could cut the tension between us with a knife. When I was asked how I was doing, I would lie, but everyone knew that I wasn’t happy. Nathan is the oldest of 5 and the only boy so his family looked to him for many things (Asian culture). What really pissed me off most about our situation was him bringing other people, namely his sisters, into our drama. As a communications person I feel that if you have a problem you should deal with it with your significant other instead of your younger sisters who have yet to live life, have illegitimate children running around, and are practically ill-equipped with life lessons. He didn’t see it that way and yet another problem was there.

About late April situations kept piling up and I knew in my heart I was coming to my wits end. That’s when I got a message from a guy, Jo, that I used to see a couple of years ago. This man was something else. I didn’t want to take myself there because I was in a committed relationship but it’s hard not to let your mind go when you were as unhappy as myself. We texted here and there but I wouldn’t see him because I was trying to do the right thing. The last week of my relationship was the hardest. I’d been trying to see Nathan every day of that week but I wasn’t a priority for him. Resentment started to build. He would call me on the phone with the “Baby I love you…” and “Baby I miss you” and “When are we going to see each other?” I kind of felt in my heart he knew I slowly coming to my senses.

   May 1st is when I realized I just couldn’t do it anymore. Jo had texted me about grabbing a drink after I finished bartending and I agreed. Nathan wasn’t picking up his phone and by then I was over it. I knew what I was getting myself into and I was ready. I met up with Jo and all of those old feelings came back. I had recently cut my hair to go natural and my boyfriend Nathan hated it, but when Jo saw me I received a different reaction. I was welcomed with praise, “Oh my gosh, you’re gorgeous!” and “I like this better than anything you’ve ever done to your hair!” That moment, it was nice to be admired and appreciated like a woman should be. We ended up not going to get drinks but taking a moonlit stroll around this lake in the Laurel area. It was dark but he could see me and I could see him. Jo was just as I remembered. He stood about 5’8, slim but with an athletic build, dark thick hair that moved with ease from the gust of wind, perfect smooth creamy skin, and these eyes that stare you down like no other sexy Latino eyes could. We sat next to each other on this rock bench and talked about everything under the sun. We talked about what we had been doing over the last couple of years, things we wanted to do, people we had been with, how we missed each others company, how good I looked, how good he looked, everything. As the hours went by the closer we got until he scooped me up and sat me down on his lap. I knew I was in a relationship but let’s face it, it was over and I just wanted to feel like me again. Jo leaned in over my neck and smelled me for just a moment. He then whispered in my ear, “Are you flexible?” I’m thinking to myself “Hell no! I haven’t done yoga in 4 years, you stretch me out and I’ll stay that way!” But my mouth said “Why don’t you find out?” Next thing I know he swung my leg over and now they’re wrapped around his waist and we’re facing each other nose to nose. Our breathing begins to match each others and he says “Safety word: Bingo.” I’m thinking “F*ck the safety word!” But I reply “Okay.” We begin to kiss and it’s as passionate if not more than Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling in the Notebook. He slowly bites at my lips then works his way to my neck, then his lips travel to my chest and looks at me with those smoldering Latin eyes. I’m thinking I must pace myself and I can’t cheat, I can’t cheat, but hell I’m doing it now! Jo spends extra time and attention on my chest area. He pulls my top down and begins kissing my breasts slowly, making sure that both get the same amount of attention. I can feel him getting extra hard and he grabs me by the waist while he’s still giving my chest attention and I’m slowly grinding on top of him. Our breathing becomes more heavy and I’m thinking in my head “This is it, this is how I’m going to go out, a dirty bird……” Just as I’m getting lost in our passionate love session Jo pulls my top down further (It was a romper) and that’s when………………………. (cont’d Part 2)