Excerpts about Men, Sex, Cocktails, Girl Talk, and More

 After throwing hot coffee on Nathan’s ass I decided to take a little trip and get out of the D.M.V. Before I did though, I had to get me a little somethin’ before I left. My sis Daniella says I’m bitchy when I don’t get some “lovin” and she wasn’t spending all weekend at a hotel with me if I didn’t get my fix. So I called up Jo (of course) for some one on one and then gladly skedaddled on my way to the city of “Brotherly Love.” What made me and Daniella decide to go there when we have good friends in New York, Miami, Vegas, and Atlanta? We went to Philly because we were watching “Man vs. Food” and the inner fat children in us wanted a damn cheese steak.  Preferably from “Jim’s Steaks.” It’s about an hour and a half drive but I gotta tell you when it comes to traveling with Daniella….. I hate that bitch! She always falls asleep. Remember when Oprah and Gale went on a road trip a couple of years back??? Gayle is the party one and Oprah was the funsucking one….. Daniella is Oprah and I’m Gayle. One time we were coming back from Ibiza about 2 years ago and the heifer had the nerve to ask me if I could turn the music down so she could sleep!! I’m like “No bitch!!! Either you stay up and talk to me or I listen to music….. we both can’t fall asleep, or we’ll die!” I love her to death but we keep road trips to minimum between us. If it’s not a plane or train don’t count on holding a conversation with her, that bitch will be passed out 10 min into the trip.

   After about an hour and forty-five minutes we arrived in Jersey. Daniella has this weird ass way of waking up right when you get to a destination. That shit is just plain weird. Being observant of the people as we stepped out to move out bags into the hotel she goes “Wtf??? Are we in Jersey?” She must have noticed the white people who were so damn tan they were darker than us. Anywho, we checked in, got situated and then made our way into Philly for a cheese steak. To save the best for last, we decided to go to S.O.S. (Steaks On South Street) instead of Jim’s steaks. It was hella good. Plenty of meat, all that gooey cheese, onions that’ll make you tear up……. good shit. The first day was strictly chill, the next day would be made for partying.

    We woke up the next day to do what we always do….go shopping. Daniella and I decided to go to the local mall that was located near Mount Laurel, New Jersey. Just  picked up the basics…some “fuck me” pumps and two killer dresses at French Connection. Our intentions were to go out to the Bleu Martini on Market St. but those plans quickly changed on our way back to the hotel. We saw a sign for Atlantic City and said “fuck it” we’re here, let’s just do the damn thing. We linked up with this chick at the front desk whose friend worked at the Borgata who got us into Mixx and MurMur. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, the hotel was nice, the club was hot, but there were too many damn females up in there! I mean not only that, they were some old bitches. I need to be the focal point of shit. The main attraction, regardless of us getting V.I.P. treatment, we opted to spend our time in the casino with me looking for a sponsor…..I’m down for being an old dudes young pet….. just don’t touch me.

   We spent the remainder of the night club hopping and ended it all at the Taj Mahal. Can someone please tell me what hell is wrong with the Taj Mahal?It’s old as hell, too many old people, and the bouncers up in there think they were running shit. Oh, and the female dancers…….wowzers, I’ve seen strippers in Baltimore that look better….and that says a lot. I mean I’m not perfect but I’m damn near close….if your stomach goes over your bikini bottom, you don’t need to be on stage performing. The Taj Mahal was our que to end the night and make our way back to the hotel.

    The last day was finally the day we would eat at Jim’s Steak. We got up early because as we saw on Man vs. Food, if you don’t get there before noon there’s a line two blocks away of people just waiting to get a cheese steak. How was it? Let me tell you that was a crock of shit. Firstly, they don’t tell you that it’s cash only until you get up to the register, it was so damn hot in there you could’ve change my name to Kunte Kinte, they were stingy as hell with the meet and cheese, and it didn’t look that clean to me. It was a waste of $8 dollars and I want my god damned money back! Yeah I said it!

   All in all, the trip was fun because I spent it with my sister but let’s be real, there’s no place like my city in the District. I’d gladly trade in Jim’s Steak for Ben’s Chilli Bowl. I was walking on Philly’s South St. and thinking about Connecticut and K Street. Philly and Atlantic City nightlife is alright but they aren’t killing it like people in the District are! I’m glad to be back, plus I need to call up Jo anyway…….I’m trying to scream like a grown woman ought too…. :-)~